And it all becomes too real.

As I have mentioned in past posts I LOVE what I research. SO much so that in my free time (used loosely) I volunteer at an HIV clinic. As part of this work I test for HIV, counsel HIV clients including giving both negative and positive results. Negative results are often fun filled with smiles and sometimes hugs. Yet positives are tough. This weekend especially was really tough. Every year I volunteer at a PRIDE festival where we test hundreds of people. This year... almost 500 in three days. In the process 6 positive cases were identified. Thus, thanks to a background in communication and being the clinic's state contact for new infections, I had the task of telling each of these people that they might have HIV. Some where not surprised, others were shocked, and one.... fell into my arms in tears.

While many of my clients stories are imprinted into my head, and heart, this is one that I am sure I will never forget. A few years older then me and scared to death. Terrified that he would die before repairing a 16 year feud with his parents. Scared he would have no one to turn to, and confused as to how a man who has only had two partners could contract HIV. It breaks my heart. He was convinced that I had given him a death sentence. Which is not at all the case. Would his life be forever changed, yes. But with today's treatments he will happily live for a very long time.

Needless to say I do love what I do and I am so grateful that I am in a place where I can help people, but man it just sucks the life out of you. I am so happy the clinic is closed the next two days. I need a week off, that is for sure. But my work with these clients is not done. Next will be check in phone calls to see how they are holding up and to remind them that they have support. Then meetings next week when we get the confirmatory tests back and we know for sure it's HIV and how far we are. Then a week later we have contact again to make sure the first doctors appointment were made. All of these for the 7 newest clients (one occurred before the festival even started.)

This career is one that I am grateful for. One that, while it breaks my heart sometimes, gives me so much joy to know that I am able to see the work I do make a small difference. Most of the people I met this past weekend, I know I might never see again. But the few people that took a moment to tell me that they appreciated knowing I cared enough to answer a bunch of questions really means a lot to me. OH and to end on a happier note. Check this out. On Sat. we were closing up for the night and a handful of high school kids come up to ask if they could make a donation. I say OF COURSE and run to the back of the tent to get the box. They continue to tell me they did a bake sale for the clinic and raised $90.00. I was SOOOO excited. These moments make all the hard ones... melt a little.

Today might have been a bit hard, but I will be forever grateful that I get to touch so many lives. I am very blessed.