A moment to pause!

After two weeks of working on my prelims I have a small moment to pause. And in this moment I find myself both nervous and frustrated, yet at peace.

1. Nervous: My adviser offered to look over one of my papers. So I think taking advantage of a little feedback would be great, HOWEVER.... I am flooded with fear that she will hate it. I don't know how I will find the time to make MASSIVE revisions. However I know I will find the time if they are needed. Heck maybe she will like it. I question.. is it the job of the adviser to put fear of God into the hearts of their students?

2. Frustrated: WHY do people who say they are your friends make stupid comments. I try so hard to be supportive and understanding yet a few of my "friends" seem to think it is perfectly fine to pick out all of my flaws and raise questions about things that have NOTHING to do with them. Mind your own business! I just don't get it. I watch what I say SOOOOOO MUCH. But I am wondering if maybe these people need a few checks to their reality.

I am also frustrated living in the land of boxes. I HATE MOVING! I cannot wait to get into the new house but trying to write papers when all of your stuff is in boxes = Frustrating HELL!

3. Strangely at peace: With all said... I know that in three days I will be moving into the new house, my FIRST HOUSE! (ok so we are renting it but still it's a fricken HOUSE) In three days my prelims will also be complete and it will be on Spring Break. Not that I will go anywhere but the idea of not having to work on level ten and teach.... glorious. I am also at peace that while the prelim. experience SUCKS!!!! I am ready. I have found a confidence that I didn't know I really had. I have learned that I do know this stuff and I can do it. The process really does work. It is painful for a reason. But I feel like I am walking away with a new sense of self.

Well... this is where I am. More to come once I am sitting in the new house!

Thanks for listening.

And it all comes to this!

From time to time we reach a point in our lives when we have to just say.. IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT! In the current case it is a few people in my life. I just can't deal with the negativity lack of support or drama. Admittedly if any of these people need me... I know would be there. But right now I need to surround myself with people who love me and support me for who I am. Not those that only care when it is convenient for them.

Tomorrow is the LONG awaited scary section of my qualifying exams. Three hours of rhetorical methods. I have read and prepped and planned as much as I can. I finally think I am ready. Still a bit scared but ready. Once it is done... we move on to the longer piece a full manuscript. Less worried about that piece I just need help on the focusing side. Which is difficult when I have soo much other stuff that also needs to be finished.

On top of all this... I am moving. Yep very excited to get into our first house but my darling hubby needs to stop the making plans, telling his parents about them, and THEN once things are set involving me. I know he doesn't do it to make me mad and I honestly think he talks about this stuff with me but... nope he doesn't. It will be fine, we will get past it but UGH it is not a good time to have soo much going on.

So in then end... I just need to breathe. DEEP cleansing breaths.