Intrapersnal Terrorism

I had a thought the other day as I was driving home from church the other day.

If your best friend did something stupid and was feeling really low, would you tell them they were stupid and make them feel worse. Even someone as snarky and sassy as I can be knows that this is not what I would do. Yet all to often when I do something stupid or even if it wasn't stupid but I think it is less then my own expectations, this is precisely what I do. WHY. I would not keep a friend if they did that to me, yet I have torn myself down soo many times.

With this new way of thinking I remember the resolution I made last year "not to let fear stop me anymore" and for the FIRST time in sooooo long I was MOSTLY successful. I am sure I had a few moments but more time then not I would catch myself doing it and I would stop. But this year I think I am going to make my resolution to STOP the Intrapersnal Terrorism! I am going to stop beating myself up and just live.

I am a perfectionist and a bit of a control freak but I know this. I also know no one is perfect. I work hard and I love what I do. That is all that matters.

I pray I can keep this resolution because looking at all that is ahead of me this year is VERY scary. Here is the cliffs notes version:

1. Qualifying Exams (two weeks of SCARINESS)
2. Grant 2.0 Reviews
3. Moving
4. Beginning the Dis
5. Job Hunt
6. Job Talks
7. Getting more of my own research published (more scariness!)

Well this just about covers the most of it. UGH. All I can do is take it one day at a time. I will stay organized and will make time for relaxing (something my friends seem to this I am not capable of doing).