Well, well, well.... This was a crazy way to get here, but looks like it has finally happened. I got the job! This August I will start my new job as an assistant professor. HA!
I can't help but to laugh. This has been an insane year. Here is the best illustration.
See I thought you would go to grad school, get the degree and ride on into a job. HA HA HA! Oh noooo. First you must have chaos with your entire dissertation committee. Then you get a visiting job (YAY!) You gain momentum and then have that swift kick to the head when the provost changes the job and you are no longer needed, in May no less. To late to apply now so you take a high school job. This will teach you SOOOOO much about teaching, relating to students, the future of education, as well as what you REALLY want to do. Along the way you will keep applying to jobs. Having your materials for the job apps reviewed by as many people as you can was indeed the BEST IDEA EVER! You get calls, campus visits, and lots of second place finishes. But here is where you CANNOT GIVE UP. The academic path is FULL of people who will NOT cheer you on. It seems far more people in the world want to convince you that you cannot achieve that goal. We all face disappointment and rejection. What I have read and learned so far is that for many reasons the rejection we face in academia hurts even more. That least it has been for me.
Not so much when I get a paper rejected, that I know is subjective. I can take that sting and quickly move on. (Note: It still stings, but it's part of the process.) But not getting the job... that hurt was the worst. TEARS and depression where pretty common place this last year. BUT the greatest lesson was learned in that dark and dank oubliette.
You have to find yourself and find the ability to fly WITHOUT a school or job to propel you. Listen to the loved ones and others around you who tell you they believe in you. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Once you can do that.. THEN you will find that you held the key all along and now the door will open.
I admit there is still a LONG journey before me. However, I do know that no matter what, not that I know how to fly on my own... I will never be caged again. I will do everything I can to always fly free. Yes departments will have expectations, and I hope to have other areas of my life take off (IE babies), but knowing that I have found A key to happiness is a great feeling. This might not be THE key, but it is a great key for now.
I am so excited for this path and I really feel like I am finally flying. Now... time to learn how to SOAR!
