I have to say that after the year I had maybe this quote is more true that I would like to admit. This time last year I was a mess. I was constantly thinking and worried about why I wasn't hearing about jobs. As a result.... I was followed by dark clouds of worry and strife. This year while I am still a little concerned, I am not consumed by it. This year I am seeking BALANCE in my life. Balance not only in how I spend my time but also within my mind.
I understand now that everything starts there, in my mind. I have always taught my students about self fulfilling prophecies and now it is time I practice it. The idea is that if you have a positive outlook on a situation then you are more likely to experience positive things. When you come into a situation with a negative outlook, you look for the bad. I will choose to look for the good in the experiences I have. What am I learning and gaining from my time as a high school teacher? If I keep only focusing on the negative aspects... it's only going to set me up to be miserable.
As I mentioned in my last post I have to accept that I cannot control what happens in life. All I can control is how I react to it. I will not get interviews with every place I apply. Even if I do get an interview that doesn't mean I will get the job. I have probably grown a bit bitter, or maybe it's just being realistic. There are so many people trying to get jobs in academia and there are so few to be had. However, I know this is where I am supposed to be. I LOVE my job as a scholar. Yes I can be a scholar with or without a school as an affiliation. However I cannot be a mentor without classes to teach. I have learned this year that mentorship is SOOOO important to me.
Working one on one, assisting in the development of ideas, troubleshooting research issues. I love it all. I really think that one day I will be a great masters adviser. Maybe even a PhD parent. I take such pride in seeing my kids (students) achieve their goals. For me there is little better than getting that call or email telling me they reached their goal. Or the moments when they struggle and struggle to get something and then pop, they get it. Yeah yeah yeah, I know I can have those moments as a high school teacher as well, and I have had a few moments like that. Maybe I just need to give it more time, but I miss the fit I had at the college level. I just always felt a far more natural fit at the university.
All in all I have no control in where I will be. I have some options to consider, and that is about as close to in control as I can be. And to be honest, I am ok with it. Of course I would LOVE to be in more control, but this year I am ready to not be. I have HONESTLY let it go. What happens will happen. OK. I trust the higher powers that have a bigger plan for me. I have already learned so much and I have grown as a person, and that is the goal I am sure.
Everyday we should be learning and growing. I am so lucky and blessed that I have people in my life that push me and believe in me more than I do myself. But, today I am believing in myself a bit more. I know I have great things to offer a school and their students. No matter where I will be teaching, I will give it my best. It will all work out. I will be clam and positive. I will let my mind be pure, and hope that joy will follow.
I will fly again!
